Title: A Start
Author: knightshade
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don’t own them. The dynamic duo is the property of Glen A. Larson.
Summary: It hurt so much that he couldn’t even think, couldn’t tear his mind away from the fact that he’d lost her again just when he thought he might get her back.
Author’s Notes: This takes place after White Bird.
For Tomy.
A Start
“Are you okay?”
“I miss her,” he said quietly, staring at the delicate heart hanging from the necklace clutched in his hand.
“I know, Michael.”
He had snuck away from the Foundation, unable to concentrate on tying his shoes, much less on the paperwork Devon wanted him to do. Kitt hadn’t objected. They were currently parked overlooking the meadow where Stevie had picked flowers. Where she’d been shot. Where she’d said goodbye. It wasn’t the first time they’d been here since she’d left in the back of that police cruiser.
“Michael, it’s safer for her this way.”
“I know.”
“It’s safer for you too.”
“I know.”
He couldn’t do this.
It hurt.
It hurt so much that he couldn’t even think, couldn’t tear his mind away from the fact that he’d lost her again just when he thought he might get her back. Michael closed his eyes, his lids mercifully shutting out the view of the necklace. He’d been keeping it with him at all times -- in the glove compartment or the inside pocket of his leather jacket or held in the hollow space inside his balled hand.
She knew.
He held that in his heart. He wasn’t sure if that was going to carry him through or tear him to shreds. And right now he didn’t care.
“I want her back.” It wasn’t rational. It was the wrong thing to hope for. They were both safer this way. But damn it, he wanted her back so badly he couldn’t choke out words sometimes.
“Michael, I’m sorry. You helped her and now she’s starting a new life, much like you did. If you think of it in those terms maybe it will make it easier-”
The pain boiled over and Michael snapped. “I love her. I’m not a machine. I can’t just turn it off.”
Kitt didn’t say anything. Time crept by while Michael tried to bite down the anger and hold back the tears that were threatening. He didn’t mean to snap at Kitt, but it hurt so much. And the most important person in his life couldn’t understand what he was going through. No one could.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,” he said after he’d composed himself enough to be civil.
“Michael, I know I’ve never been ‘in love’ and I don’t have the requisite chemistry or biology to fully experience love in the way that you do. But I do feel strongly and deeply. I do care about the people in my life. In my own way, I love you. And I would be deeply affected if you ever left.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not being rational right now.”
“It’s my understanding that love isn’t rational.”
Michael let out a bitter laugh, but even that made him feel a little better. A laugh was still a release – even though nothing felt funny right now. And it was something other than pain, anger, or aching loneliness.
“Michael, I may not always completely understand, but I am always here. If you need to talk about it, I’m willing to listen.”
“I don’t always feel like talking, but thank you, Kitt.”
“I know this probably doesn’t help much, but all the information I have on human heartbreak indicates that most people recover.”
“Yeah, pal, I know. It just takes time.”
“I wasn’t going to mention that part.”
Michael looked down at the voice modulator. “You lost me. What part?”
“Time. Patience isn’t exactly your strong suit, you know.”
Michael couldn’t help the smile that touched his lips. It was small, weak, and fleeting but it was a start. “Yeah, I know.” He carefully folded the necklace and tucked it into the inner pocket of his jacket. “Shall we head back?”
“There’s no rush, Michael. Whenever you’re ready.”
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-knightshade
March 26, 2006
